Road to 50k - Commitment & Sacrifice

So every year I set a goal for myself and this one might be my most ambitious one to date.
I promised Eric of Elevation Culture that one day I would do an Ultra Marathon. Mind you only 1% of the world's population have done a Marathon and I've heard that less than 0.5% have done an Ultra Marathon. In October I will be among that group when I complete the Lake Hodges 50k.

Today's post centers around "COMMITMENT" & the sacrifices it takes to really commit to your goals. I thought I knew commitment, this is gonna be a true test.
When I finally decided to start zeroing in on my training for the 50k, first step was bringing in a coach to get me to where I am certain I will achieve my goal. So step one, I brought in my girl Lauren Padula & Movement Space SD to oversee my training (run workouts and non-run workouts).
I don't think I was sure of what all this entailed.
Right off the bat, I had to suspend my membership to my gym Performance 360 to make sure no workouts conflict with my training. So after suspending my membership came the next challenging stuff.

Go through my schedule of workouts (Run Clubs, November Project, Spin Classes, Trail Runs, everything else) and go through them all and decide what you want to keep and what else you're ok NOT doing for the next 4 months to ensure your commitment and focus is on the goal you have set. For me this meant, several run clubs and extra workout drop ins had to be stopped as any non-run workouts would need to be factored in to my training itinerary.

Wait what Itinerary? Yup every week starting next week I'll have ALL my workouts / recovery (running and non running) related programmed for me. Any extra stuff I want to take on, I will have to clear ahead of time to ensure my 50k training is not compromised by doing so.

I'm seeing firsthand now, exactly what commitment means. You HAVE to commit & there will be sacrifices, but finishing this 50k race will be one of the most challenging and rewarding things I've done in my life.....up to this point.

Stay Tuned over the next few months as I take you on my Road to 50k.
Still not that impressive.

Joalby

Reach Out - Get Help / Be Help

It's been a year. June 7, 2017 I was sitting in my friend Blaise's backyard and sang a song to him I had recently started work on. He grabbed his guitar and played some chords while I struggled to keep my composure singing those words to Free Me. I opened up and told him about having been raped a few months earlier. Told him about being afraid to go running by myself, about hardly leaving my house unless it was to go to the gym, about the nightmares that were keeping me from getting any sleep, about freaking out in public places and in being completely open told my best friend I had contemplated taking my life. I opened up about the fact that I was seeing a therapist to come to terms with what happened. And Blaise, my best friend grabbed his guitar and played and let me sing to him what I was feeling. He played the chorus over and over and sang my words with me.
"I'm begging you to free me cos noone really needs me
My future lay before me, but my past still controls me"

This past year has been one of rebirth, of growth, of finding a new way to be me. This past year has been one of many changes and that moment that inspired this song is one that will forever be a part of my journey albeit in the grand scheme of things will not go down as one of big events in my life. I know HE made me for good things. This was a terrible event but it forms a part of my history and will shape the good things of my future.
So when I say reach out if you need help or reach out to see if anyone needs help, I'm saying it because people did reach out to me.
Had my Pastor Kate not asked me why I was acting so strange I would never had gotten the help I needed.
Recording new music is something I never wanted to go back to doing but I feel a need to share this song with you all. Especially because of what my boy Brandon from 5nSlime was able to bring to the track.

If you need help, reach out.
If you suspect someone needs help, reach out.
You'll never know who you may be saving.
And as for me - I've never been happier
I'm dealing with it, but I'm HERE to deal with it

First Half Marathon Post Surgery - PR

#ThrowbackThursday
Throwing it back to October 2013 when I completed my First Half Marathon and back to this past Sunday when I completed my 12th. The difference brings tears to my eyes when I think back to how much work and money and focus amd setbacks and refocusing took place to make this happen. But moreso because I can see in those old photos how unhappy was. There's no hiding it. I was depressed, I was hurting, I had doubts that I would ever be anything more than the fat friend. I felt I had let myself go past the point where anyone could ever possibly love me and that resulted in me not loving myself very much either.
Fast forward 4yrs & 8months. I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm stronger. I'm not in pain. I'm not im doubt. I'm determined. I'm.... nowhere near being finished. The journey is still in its infancy stages. Stay tuned.
 

Feel Great. Feel Ugly. Either Way, They're Only Feelings

We all have those moments, those doubts, those past insecurities that come up and rear their ugly heads. We all deal with it in some way, shape or form. I am no different.
I put on a happy face and fake self-esteem better than most people I know. I preach loving yourself to everyone and constantly battle moments where I don't love myself, where I look into the mirror and see a distorted, twisted, damaged and mangled version of the person everyone else sees. It's not everyday, but it's constant enough to where I have to put it all in check.
I forget sometimes who I was and that I'm no longer the same person I've fought so hard to seperate myself from. I forget sometimes how far I've come and how much better I am than I ever thought I would be. I forget that of all the doubters I had breaking me down, the biggest one was me. The loudest voice was my own.
I thought that after the surgery I would not have those feelings again, but I still have moments of feeling insecure. I went from feeling ugly due to the skin I was in, to feeling ugly due to the voices that continued to ring louder - telling me "I know who you really are". Telling me "You can't pretend you're not the same person inside".
It's not everyday, but it is some days. And I smile and laugh and joke and carry on feigning feelings of security in my skin, but it's not always the case. I'm not always confident. I'm not always happy. It's a work in progress and sometimes it's harder than others.
After this past week feeling ugly and holding these feelings inside, I woke up today and told myself this was a different day. I took some time for ME. Do I feel better or less depressed or less self-depricating than before? Not entirely, but even the realization and naming of what I'm feeling is a realization that it is JUST THAT. Feelings. And feelings as hard as they try, will never be truths. My truth is that I am strong, that I am beautiful, that I am loved. My feelings are the contrary, but my feelings are not my truths, nor will they ever be.

Surround Yourself With YOU CAN People

In Fitness AND in all things in life, you have the option of giving it all and doing everything you can... OR doing MORE than "you can". Not only do I choose to push myself, but I choose to surround myself with people who push me to do MORE than I can. This is what went down this past week. Mind you this isn't including football games, soccer games, songwriting sessions, dialing in meal prep and working a full time job.
I didnt lose 140lbs by stopping at what felt right, I didn't finish multiple races by stopping at what I can do. I went beyond and broke that barrier of what I thought was my "I can do only up to THIS" I found my reason and I let my reason be louder than the red lights in my head.
You cant do that. You dont have the right body for that. This is the best you can reach. Well fuck you very much to the voices inside my head - the doubts - the fears - the naysayers. I'm nowhere near the point of the "best" I can reach. And when I DO reach that point... I'm gonna do more.

DIALING IN NUTRITION

If you're anything like me, you don't like being told what to do - you ignore even what you know is right when it's presented because you have this inate need to reach a realization for yourself - you refuse to act on it until you reach a point where you can no longer push it aside. And THAT - that's who I am.
When my trainer, my coaches, my roommate, my friends all told me about meal prepping, I was like yeah ok whatever. I'd rather do three workouts a day. I'd rather run extra miles. I'd rather...... just not eat. Is that ever gonna work? NO! You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it, but even with me knowing it, I tried to do things my way. I bought some meals to make it seem like I cared, to make it seem like I was trying, to paint an image that was not accurate.

After years of reaching 140lbs of weight loss, after years of getting ready for this new me, after going under the knife for the first of what will be 2 - maybe 3 surgeries - I plateaued. I couldn't get beyond where I had reached. This was the moment I knew I had to do what everyone told me I had to do. I had to stop screwing around and accept that 80% of weight loss that is geared upon diet & nutrition was something I was ignoring. I was either eating what I shouldn't or in some cases eating very little or not eating at all because I was too busy, too tired, too stressed, too scared of putting the weight back on. I thought I was the only one who dealt with this. I thought this was something ONLY I deal with.
So after much research, I came to The Clean & Colorful Kitchen. The company is local, fairly new, and when I wanted to dedicate myself to this and stop toying around I was able to count on the reccomendations of not one, not two, not even three - but SEVERAL of my November Project - SD tribe who all actually use CCK for their Meal Prep needs. Week 1 is now underway. And the order has already been placed for Week 2. The meals change every week. New menu items are constantly being developed and created. The food is healthy, delicious, looks good, clean ingrediens. The staff are accessible & available to answer your questions.
And what I really like is that they allow you to order what YOU want from the weekly menu selections. They allow you to order different amounts and such each week. They allow you to pause your order if needed. It works for me.
It's time to stop playing. It's time to break this plateau. I have my goals set & my expectations defined. I'm giving myself two months and I'm glad to have them on my side through this next step of my journey. Stay Tuned!!! Joalby... Is this 4.0 Now?

There Is No RIGHT TIME To Start - Only Now

Working out is not easy - there's always something else you'd rather be doing. There's never an ideal time to start making fitness a priority. You just reach a point where you no longer are happy in the skin you are in, where you no longer want to go through life faking a smile so the world will think you're alright. I couldn't see myself living with who I had let myself become any longer.
I walked away from music and made a promise that I would never pursue music again until I could fix what was broken within me. 5 years ago I began on this journey, a journey I had TRIED and failed at miserably so many times, except this time failure was not an option. This time it was for real, this time I was doing it for me.
In the course of 5 years I lost 140lbs and underwent surgery this February to address the excess skin on my chest area as a result of the weight loss. I'm not done yet. There is still one more surgery to address the excess skin on my abdomen. There have been easy days and difficult days. There have been moments of complete depression and there have been times where I had to relearn to love my body in its current state of this process.
These photos are 5years apart (May 3rd, 2013 vs TODAY May 11, 2018). Working out is not easy, but living with who I had become was NOT an option anymore. If I made the change - you can too.