Body Acceptance - Let ME Decide For Myself

190... 190... Ok technically 190.6 but 190!!!⁣
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Unpopular Opinion below. You've been warned.
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At my heaviest, I let myself get to 430+ lbs. I've heard people say it's possible to love yourself in any body, but for me that wasn't the case. For me that wasn't my body, it seemed foreign to me.
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You see, what serves the individual - doesn't always serve the masses. I had to accept that I had come to hold so much anger, resentment and lack of love for who I had become, in order to let myself become the person I am becoming.⁣
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I say becoming because I'm still not happy. I'm 190 & working towards 127. Just kidding, working towards 185lbs, but I'm not happy with my 190. My body composition & extra skin and flappy wappy doesn't paint a picture of the body I see for myself as a 39yr old best version of myself.
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I'm here to tell you that when people make you feel guilty & tell you that you SHOULD love your body where it's at - it's ok to say NO, I DON'T! It's ok to be driven to change. You don't HAVE to love your body where it's at. We live in this body accepting society, but don't allow others to make you feel bad about not loving and accepting and living into a body you don't love. If I had let that happen, I'd most definitely be well over 500lbs or dead right now. ⁣
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I'm all for body acceptance, but let ME be the one to decide for myself what I'm willing to accept.

Majority of my meals are provided by Clean & Colorful Kitchen, San Diego

Wim Hof Method & Connection With The Otherside

Breathe

As a runner & a yogi, I thought for a long time I understood the power of my breath. Having run races of various distances, including a Marathon & Ultra, I was certain I had an appreciation for my breath. The breath I came to find, I didn't truly understand at all.

This past Monday, I attended a Wim Hof Fundamentals workshop at Breathe Degrees, to beta assist their program prior to official launch. I had the experience of learning the science behind this technique. The practice that can help us regain the primal strengths of our ancestors. The technique that has been known to reset your immune system & increase your blood alkalinity safely. And all it takes is your own breath.

Learning the breathing technique allowed me to sit comfortably meditating in a 38° Ice Bath for several minutes while increasing my internal core temperature by simply incorporating the breathing techniques, tricking my body and realizing that I'm only becoming stronger by being uncomfortable. Additionally, from a personal place this was the first time in nearly two decades I was comfortable enough to take my shirt off in public.

The breathwork portion was like nothing I've ever experienced. While practicing empty breathholds, I was able to hold my breath for nearly four minutes. At one point, I became very emotional remembering the passing of my friends Lawrence & Mitchel who have passed. I began to think how something I take for granted like breathing was something that to these two, to my two friends they couldn't do in their last hours. Something so simple for me is something they would have given anything for in their final moments. I became emotional thinking of my boys as I lied in a room meditating, breathing, with an eye mask, holding my breath in complete darkness - with each breath remembering my friends.

At the final breathhold, I connected to something I never expected and broke down in tears when I felt my hand tightened to the point of going numb (Lawrence used to grab my hand & tell me to stop stressing about everything) & then I heard Mitchel's laugh distantly. Tears began to flow & I didn't want to let go of that connection. 

After the breathwork session was over it took me several minutes to reground myself. Feeling the connection to the energy level of love of my friends is something I wanted to never end.

Sitting in a 38° IceBath was easier than expected after learning the Breathing Techniques. I went in & while initially I was cold, I was able to breathe warmth over my body and close my eyes not even realizing how much time had passed.

There are so many benefits to Wim Hof Method to look into & I'm barely in the infancy stage. I can't wait to further my practice & gain a better understanding at how breathwork can aide in healing me & making me a better Yogi, Runner & Human BEing.

Gastric Bypass - ONE WEEK Countdown

One Week. One week away. Hi guys, I'm back for a bit. Sorry, I know it's been awhile but lotta stuff has been going on. Here goes

Since January of 2019, I've been pursuing the option of Gastric Bypass Surgery to continue to get me towards my ultimate goal. After having lost 140 pounds without the use of surgical weight loss, I reached a plateau. I saw an endocrinologist, was monitored and followed by a dietician and endocrinologist for 6 months. I met with a psychiatrist to determine if there was a psychiatric reason for why I had plateaued. I attended workshops and seminars and after 7 months, I was approved by insurance to go forth with weight loss surgery.

Mind you, I understand gastric bypass is a TOOL for weight loss; however, a very effective. I did over 6 years lose 140 pounds and am proud of the work I did on my own, but now I need to put my health at the forefront and move forward with the next step in this journey.

ONE WEEK FROM TODAY on August 30th at 5:30am, I will be reporting to have Gastric Bypass surgery. The recovery is insane. I will have to take 6 weeks off work to recover, during which 2-3 weeks will be me on a liquid diet, followed by 2-3 weeks of a pureed food diet and a week or two of soft foot consistency. I will be in the hospital from August 30th for 2 nights before I'm released back home.

To aide in my recovery and avoid any FOMO and desire to return to working out too soon, I will be suspending my Facebook and Instagram through the month of September to focus on my recovery. During that time I'll be posting a weekly blog on here to document my journey with the surgery.

I'm not at all looking at this surgery as a quick weight loss fix. Weight loss surgery is a TOOL in the weight loss arsenal. It is the most effective tool and it is not something I go into without 100% focus on success. Stay tuned to what's next for me.

Yoga Teacher Training has been pushed back to the end of January at Mosaic Yoga. After which I'll obtain my Group Fitness Training Certification. My first race back after surgery will be the Lululemon San Diego 10k in Mid November, followed by Rock n Roll Las Vegas 5k AND Half Marathon the following week. I'm going into this with a focus on my health, my recovery and ultimately a vision for my goals.

Yoga Teacher Training Update - New Studio & Dates

Second First Steps

My intention during today's practice at Mosaic Yoga: was just that, Second First Steps. Embrace the newness that comes with taking that first step no matter if it's your first, second or third "first step".
Recently, the studio I was to begin Teacher Training at sold and as a result the new dates didn't align with my schedule. After soul searching & sadness, I realized the blessing that came from being gifted the time to continue my practice while recovering fully from surgery so I can go into Yoga Teacher Training 100% ready to excel and be the forever student and the teacher I hope to be.

I visited a few studios & today, I took my second first step. In February, I will be one with & connected with my new body & begin my Yoga Teacher Training at Mosaic Yoga. All the funds raised from my Crowd Funding Campaign will be transferred directly over to the new studio & I was able to qualify for a Scholarship for the difference.

Sometimes in life we get that first step, that first chance, but more often times we get several second first steps. Learn to love the second first steps, because its between those first steps and second first steps, you grow and truly learn what you're ready to take on.

Come February, I will be beginning Yoga Teacher Training at Mosaic Yoga & am beyond excited for this second first step in my life.

Joalby - Future Yoga Teacher

What have I been up to? Where have I been? What's really going on? Well here's the thing... After completing my Ultra Marathon, I took two months off from running and shifted my attention to relearning what it means to have FUN with fitness.
I had a chance to lead and program workouts for my DownTown Fridays Stair Group as well as my gym, Movement Warehouse. And I shifted heavily over towards my intention for the new year - the reason for all the changes at the start of the year.

YOGA TEACHER TRAINING

In 2013, I set out on a journey to change my life. I walked away from music & began personal training & running. In the years leading up from then to now, I was able to drop approximately 140 pounds. I gained this new sense of empowerment & appreciation for what my body is capable of. Since then I have ran numerous half marathons & ran races in 12 states in the USA, 2 states in Australia, Vancouver & Italy.
In 2018, I challenged myself to complete an Ultra Marathon. I completed my first Ultra Marathon in January of 2019 with my purpose set on showcasing to others that in fitness there is no ideal body type. Whether in running, weight training or Yoga, there is no ideal body.

During my training, my running coach, Lauren Padula, implemented Yoga into my training & it taught me that there is still so much more that my body is capable of. My goal with Teacher Training is to continue my mission of showing people who are hesitant to take that first step that there is no better time to start, there is no Yoga body, there are only bodies who practice.

My end result would be to find a way to incorporate my Yoga Teacher Certification into teaching classes that would put people at ease seeing someone who has experienced the journey they are currently on, incorporating modern music in varied styles to take the pressure off that people might feel entering into the traditional yogi setting. I want my classes to encourage and motivate people of all shapes & sizes to pursue the practice more deeply, with music ranging from country to classical to jazz to rock en español.

I have currently raised $700 of the $2,000 necessary for my Yoga Teacher Training. I will have another $300 paid towards my training in the coming week. This leaves a difference of a little over $900 to raise before the end of June in order to lock in my Early Bird Pricing.

Please consider donating to my GoFundMe at bit.ly/JoalbyYoga to help me get to my goal. If you feel inclined, you may also share this to anyone who may feel inclined to help.

Much love to you all. I'm excited to share the journey towards Yoga Teacher Training with you all. My Teacher Training is scheduled from September to November of this year through Mission Beach Yoga.

Love to you all,
Joalby

MY GO FUND ME PAGE 

I'm An UltraRunner - What's Next? ... I'm glad you asked

Three weeks into the new year. I've neglected this blog as I settled into the new year & the changes to my fitness goals. That said, I've finally had time to sit with it & get over the fact that it finally happened.
On Saturday, January 12th, I completed my first Ultra Marathon. And I did it in a very different way than I set out to do so back when I first went out to achieve this in October 2018. I didn't blog about it this time, I didn't invite people to go and support & cheer me on. I continued to train using the final few weeks of the training program I had completed with Lauren Padula, but I didn't track my long runs or any of my runs for that matter. I didn't wear my FitBit as I didn't want any of my runs tracked. I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing this time.

Now before you say, it seems selfish after I started out so transparent in doing this, let me explain the why. After I DNFd at Lake Hodges 50k, I fell into a depression. I knew that with the exception of a few people, if anyone knew I was jumping right back into training I'd have to deal with everyone's opinions on why I should rest and give it some time. I wasn't willing to rest. I wasn't ready to give it time. And I wasn't open to anyone else opinions at the time. It struck me that I had let my mind be influenced by  everyone else's energy who were in what appeared to me as a caravan of Ultra Marathon Hopefuls at the time. I became too tied up in what was outside of myself that while it didn't affect my race or my pace, it affected my readiness to deal with the possibility of not finishing.

I had gotten so far disconnected from how I was preparing myself. I didn't think that EVERY long run, EVERY training run, EVERY challenging moment of my training I had done on my own. I had the support of my friends, but ultimately I was out there running, hurting and crying on my own. I went out there on January 12th with the only people I know out there being the Elevation Culture team, who were the reason I had even chosen to go after this goal.
I signed up for the SD50 Trail Ultra Marathon, knowing that my intentions were to run the race and circle back and add some distance to it to qualify as an Ultra Marathon. And amidst rain, holding on to fences to avoid mud, sliding in mud puddles, running across rivers and up mountains in the rain - amidst that all I finished after 8hours and 40minutes.
I AM AN ULTRA MARATHONER! I AM WEATHERPROOF! I DID IT!

The most important lesson I learned during this process is that I have it in me. When people told me I don't look like a runner, when people told me I don't have a runners body, when a doctor told me this couldn't possibly be healthy for someone my size - I continued & I proved I had it in me. I might not have what people see as the ideal runners body, but on January 12th, 2019, I achieved something most runners never have.

To further my message that in fitness there are no ideal bodies, I will again be challenging myself & challenging others perceptions of fitness bodies. In Summer of 2019, I will be participating AND COMPLETING my Yoga Teacher 200Hr Training in San Diego. I'm still toying with how I'm going to find the $2,550 price tag. But I have started a Go Fund Me to help with at least some of the cost. You can hear more of my story & donate or share the story with others at the link below:
gofundme.com/joalby039s-yoga-teacher-training
To support or learn more about my journey towards Yoga Teacher Training, please visit Help Fund Joalby's Yoga Teacher Training

SD50 Trail Ultra Marathon - January 12th, 2019

Crossing the Finish Line - Photo by Eric Chrisman of Elevation Culture

Set Your 2019 - Challenge What The Future Holds

Every year, I start off with a song that I hope will influence my next year. In 2018 it was "Please Don't Stop The Music" by Rihanna & Charo. In 2017, "Starboy" by The Wknd. In 2016, "Are We Out Of The Woods Yet" by Taylor Swift. This year I threw it back with an older song with an amazing message, that for nearly 25 years always comes back into my life when I need it. My song for 2018 is "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree. So let me enter into 2018 solving puzzles in my own sweet time & challenging what the future holds.

2019 is here & I was influenced by the intentional planning for 2019 that my friends Sheri Matthews Kimmel & Lauren Padula did to do my own intention and goal setting. Here goes nothing AND more importantly here goes EVERYTHING.


WHAT AM I PROUD OF IN 2018?
I am proud of opening up about my journey & beginning to blog. I am proud of having committed myself to a focused training regimen under Lauren Padula. I am proud of having run my first FULL MARATHON (no glitz, no glamour, no medal, no closed course, no finish line, no cheer station) all as part of my training & all on my own - proving that I have it in me.

WHAT AM I LEAVING BEHIND IN 2018?
The constant pursuit of a PR. The feeling that I always have to increase the weight load and get more reps in. I still might have it in the back of my head but it will not be a driving force in my fitness journey going forward. This past year I've seen that in constantly chasing something worthy of being celebrated, it was keeping me from fully enjoying the moment & being present in the process.

WHAT ARE MY INTENTIONS / PRIORITIES / AREAS OF FOCUS SET TO DRIVE MY 2019?

1. Fun In Fitness
By no longer chasing a PR or Praise for what I'm doing, it will allow me to go back to finding fun in the act of doing.

2. Transformation
With continuing to lose weight after my chest surgery earlier this year, my Doctors in the USA and in Mexico agreed that the best bet right now would be to maximize the weight loss prior to any abdominal surgery. What this means is Summer of 2019, I will be having a Gastric Bypass surgery instead of excess skin removal. Doing so will help maximize the weight loss by helping me to lose another 70+ pounds, after which in 2020, I'll go in for the full excess skin removal.
This is something I had a very difficult time accepting, as for 5 years I was able to pride myself in losing approximately 140lbs WITHOUT any surgical help or gastric surgery. In working with my doctors and discussing this, I realize the WHY and that in the long run it would be the best option. I'm not going to lie to you and say I'm not scared. Not for the possible complications. I'm more scared of how this will affect my running. With my stomach being reduced by so much, I'm afraid that any hopes for longer distance running will come to a halt due to my inability to fuel up or hydrate enough to sustain myself on those runs. But more on that in a separate email.

3. Body
I have quit my membership to my gym Performance360 & will be transitioning over to The Movement Warehouse to switch up how I train. My new process will focus more on movement, mobility and body mechanics. I want to go back to HIIT training and body weight work to help prepare me for my recovery post surgery. I want to have a clear and better understanding of what my body is capable of. The body is an incredible thing, capable of so much. It's my goal to see just what new ways I can challenge myself this way in the coming year. Whether that be dropping in to dance classes, changing my training & ultimately post surgery and recovery with improved mobility looking more into Animal Flow - possibly attending a seminar.

4. Follow Through
I need to stop making excuses and finish this EP and release it already. After having been raped, I began to write songs as a release. I have three in various stages of completion, but the idea of releasing a product has been terrifying almost as much as the actual act. I'm not sure I'm ready to face it head on in front of people. I don't know if I'll be able to sing the songs. I'm not sure what effect going back to that moment in this way will have on me emotionally... That being said, I know the importance of using my voice and speaking my truth & I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't finish this project and release these songs in hopes that someone else could connect and learn and grow from them.


WHAT'S MISSING IN 2019 INTENTION SETTING, THAT HAS LONG BEEN PRESENT IN PREVIOUS YEARS?

The constant want & search for a relationship. Now before you say I can have it all, let me stop you. I know I can. I've had relationships before the assault & I've attempted to have some kind of semblance of relationships after the assault.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship, but when the constant search for something outside of yourself takes you away from being able to live in harmony with the only one who really matters - YOU - then it's time to reexamine. I know 100% I'm still broken & triggered & affected by what happened to me. I know that intimacy terrifies me now. I know that I shut down and begin shaking & want to cry when any sort of intimacy is approached. I acknowledge that I'm not ready for a relationship in a conventional way & I'm ok with that. I also acknowledge that I am more important right now than my desire to be in a relationship & I'm ok with that too. Sometimes things happen to us in life that we don't deserve & that we can't erase, but I have to believe that it's for a reason & that something good HAS to come out of this.

Jan 1, 2019 - I get to call this home